I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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