i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
