So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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