Cold hands, warm shart.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
