Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
