i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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