between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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