well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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