In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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