At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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