lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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