it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
