Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
