on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
