guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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