Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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