you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
