I'm going to jail i love you
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
