I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
