i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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