My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
