found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
