He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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