mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Let's get the cat blown out
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I need a beard to bite.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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