What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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