Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
