you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize