he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
