so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
