I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
