I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
