Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
