The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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