if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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