i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
