I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
