I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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