Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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