I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
