I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
