So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
