Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
