just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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