you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
