I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
