1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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