i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize