my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
