goodnight i made you a song goodbye
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
