i don't like sucking hair
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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