Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
