Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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