There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
