was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
