There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
