...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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