so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
