maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
