i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
