What did we do last night that was yellow?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
