mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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