Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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