a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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