what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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