just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
