He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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