ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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