If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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