Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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