so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
