yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
