I faked an abortion last night.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We are all done wearing pants today
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
