I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
