smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
