so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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