Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize