trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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