She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
