Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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