In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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