I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
