I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
