Old men and throwing up are my life now.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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