im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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