Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
