My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
