I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
