You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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