Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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