i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The beer is more important than you right now.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
