man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize