The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
