But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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