I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
