well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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