Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
