Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
