I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Randomize
