just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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