He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
