Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
