i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Dear god my vagina.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
