So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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