she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
