she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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