I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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