we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
